Thanks for clarifying, Tom. You are right about the Greek culture. It's a shame. I am actually not sure if it's Greek people themselves or Greek Americans — I went to Greece for the first time in November and the people were so warm and joyful (great food, too, which maybe you know already). The sad thing is I was shocked by how much I loved it there; I assumed they would be like my grandparents. They were both born in America, but the generation before them immigrated here, so maybe they were raised against mixing race to protect their own status as immigrants. I can't say what was going on with them. The weird thing is that they were life-long democrats, even voted for Obama. So I think how they treated my parents (and me) was from leftover biases that helped make them feel more American when they got here. What I do know is it caused a lot of unnecessary pain in my family.

I agree with all you said. I don't hate anyone for the color of their skin (I, myself, look white). I just want people with white skin to do as you say (be for police reform and other structural reforms that disproportionately punish black folks). You are right about celebrities getting off easy. Politicians, too. And cops as well. I don't think more people going to prison is the answer, but I do think more accountability and honesty is needed. My personal opinion is that reform comes from putting money into communities, not into militarizing police or into the criminal justice system. There are countless studies that point to rehabilitation being more effective at reforming people than the brutal criminal justice system. We humans were not made to be isolated or kept in cages. We create more problems with this approach. As humans, we are fallible and send too many people to prison who were misidentified or just targeted by police. Then they have a normal human response being put in prison and having to fight for their lives. It's simply inhumane and it only helps those who own these facilities. Very scary stuff. I can't imagine something like that happening to someone I love, yet it too often happens to black families and poor white ones.

I chose a provocative way to address these issues because I want people to feel uncomfortable enough to question. One white friend wrote me after reading this, "For the first half I was in defense mode. When I got to the second half I was on board. This was what I needed to hear." I know it's not an approach that will move everyone, yet I see it working for some people and for that I am happy. When I target whiteness I am targeting it as a system that actively hurts black people while tossing poor white people crumbs and promising them that there will always be someone getting less than they do, no matter how bad they have it. I want these people to believe they can have more, but they have to stop trusting the institutions over their fellow Americans first. I think there are moments in history where leaders had good intentions. I think the constitution was a good intention, even though it is much harder to realize the intention in practice. But I have seen political strategists say straight up to a camera that their tactics are meant to create division by demonizing black people (or immigrants, etc.) so that conservatives can count on white votes. They’re shameless about it. Roger Stone (who’s in prison now) is a good example of someone who will admit to this. It’s a game to him. (Get Me Roger Stone is a good documentary on this. It’s on Netflix now.)

I do want to point out that Martin Luther King Jr. was considered a threat to these power structures, the FBI called him the most dangerous man alive. It is interesting to see how he's been lifted up now as a symbol of peace. In reality he was an imperfect man in his personal life, like all of us, but he had a way with words and the patience to work with white leaders, even as he (rightfully) feared they would take his life. He once said, "A riot is the language of the unheard," I believe that and many of his other teachings.

I thank you again for returning and engaging, I don't think we disagree on the fundamentals.